I used comedy as a way to combat my dyslexia. I was barely getting by scholastically, so I used a lot of humor.

I would like eternal life. I would like to have the power to choose who lives and dies.

I loved New Jersey. I thought it was the greatest place in the world because on Halloween kids could start trick or treating right after school. Isn't that great?

I love performing, and it allows me to be very discerning about what I choose next, thank god.

What was my dream when I was 18? My big decision when I was 18 was full keg or pony-size keg. I knew by about 16 or 17 that I was going to be an actor. That was based on the fact that there were not a lot of things that I could be really good at, or that I would enjoy enough to not run out of the building screaming.

I wanted to play football and see how that went. In my mind, I knew I wasn't good enough to be a pro, but I was having a really fun time doing it. When you're on a college team, you can tell who's going to be a pro or not almost instantly.

Yes, I would say my comedy is grunge, evidenced by the fact my jokes have put an end to big-hair glam comedy.