I love Chicago. I got on a bus and asked the driver, Do you go to the Loop? He said, No, I go beep-beep!

The kick [of comedy] is to think quickly. It's a great kick.

You can cut your hair how you want, but I think you should get to where you wear it normal for the future.

I love Chicago. I got on a bus and asked the driver, Do you go to the Loop? He said, No, I go beep-beep!

There are many things that I find attractive about a woman. Foremost to me, of course, would be a sense of humor-but that doesn't come in a bottle.

Today you can go to a gas station and find the cash register open and the toilets locked. They must think toilet paper is worth more than money.

I don't consider success doing a show for 30 years; I'm sorry. To me, you're successful when you graduate from something. I did a series, I did a talk show, I did movies, I replaced Mickey Rooney [on Broadway] in "Sugar Babies." You understand?