I am writing to apply for the position of bookkeeper. Attached, you will find my list of qualifications. I have been keeping books for four years now, and I am never going to give them back.

I feel the way bank robbers must feel before they go out on that last job that ends up getting them all killed. That is to say, optimistic.

I have a form of ESP that allows me to consistently pick losing lottery numbers, and generally make poor life choices.

Well, it's possible to be mentally ill and rational.

Home is where the heart is, until we get a chance to bury it. Home is where the heart pulled the nails out of its feet, and fled.

Satellite images, maps and blueprints of the whole world, of every city. We could look it up and know what's there in someone else's words. Or we could get wicked drunk and just go.

It doesn't matter if the glass is half full or half empty. I am gonna drink it through this crazy straw.