Dear Nintendo, We need a new Mario game, where you rescue the princess in the first ten minutes, and for the rest of the game you try and push down that sick feeling in your stomach that she’s ‘damaged goods’, a concept detailed again and again in the profoundly sex negative instruction booklet, and when Luigi makes a crack about her and Bowser, you break his nose and immediately regret it. When Peach asks you, in the quiet of her mushroom castle bedroom ‘do you still love me?’ you pretend to be asleep. You press the A button rhythmically, to control your breath, keep it even.

I'd rather die terrified than live forever.

I feel the way bank robbers must feel before they go out on that last job that ends up getting them all killed. That is to say, optimistic.

Judge if you want, we are all going to die. I intend to deserve it.

I've always known I'd be a bank robber. So judge all you want, ladies and gentlemen. Because you never did become an astronaut.

I want to make something, and I want people to know I made it.

If we couldn't carry our dead inside us, we would be empty.