The only way I'll ever make the Ryder Cup team is when I become captain; then I can name myself to the team.

Granted, I could go out and lose everything (by) gambling and drinking, but there's no sense in denying it. It's in my blood.

Stories match the way our species thinks. Equally important, stories are something we share - everyone everywhere tells stories and oddly enough, in the same way. It all probably started around some campfire a million years ago.

Everyone has addictions and my problem is that I have 5,000 of them. If it's not drinking, it's gambling; if it's not gambling, it's eating anything from burgers, doughnuts to M&Ms. The only addiction I don't suffer from is chasing women.

I don't think I've ever stepped into a gym - they won't let me smoke there. I just thank God Miller Lite isn't as fattening as most beers. If I cut back on beer, though, I'd look anorexic.

My slogan is who needs fitness when you've got great equipment.

I enjoy the oohs! and aahs! from the gallery when I hit my drives. But I'm getting pretty tired of the awws! and uhhs! when I miss the putt.