In the darkest days, the Lord puts the best people into your life." (p. 28)

You should see it. V for Vendetta I mean. "I'll look it up." No. With Me. At my house. Now

By far the best cure for hangovers is not drinking excessively the night before.This cure has a 100% success rate, and as you save the cost of the drinks you would have otherwise drunk, it is cheaper than free.

Getting you a date to prom is so hard that the hypothetical idea itself is used to cut diamonds.

I realize that they giggle and I actually laugh, that they show their cleavage and I have none to show, but just so you know, I am also a girl. I'm one of the three wise MEN. And it's gay to think that James Bond is hot.

Tiny, the next time that you try to set me up with a girl with a secret boyfriend can you at least INFORM me that she has a secret boyfriend? Also, if you don't call me back within five minutes, I'm going to assume you found a way back to Evanston. Furthermore, you are an asshat. That is all.

I think all true stories are hopeful stories. I don't think there's any room for nihilism.