People are different when you can smell them and look up close, you know?

You can't just make yourself matter and then die, Alaska, because now I am irretrievably different.

Books are like tweets, except longer.

The snow may be falling in the winter of my discontent, but at least I've got sarcastic company.

So keeping the box closed just keeps you in the dark, not the universe.

As a child I was an inveterate liar. As opposed to now, I am a Novelist.

You can’t know, sweetie, because you’ve never had a baby become a brilliant young reader with a side interest in horrible television shows, but the joy you bring us is so much greater than the sadness we feel about your illness.