You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose.

She has great breasts," the Colonel said without looking up from the whale. "DO NOT OBJECTIFY WOMEN'S BODIES!" Alaska shouted. Now he looked up. "Sorry. Perky breasts." "That's not any better!

The human tongue is like wasabi: it's very powerful, and should be used sparingly.

I didn't know what to say to her - I was caught in a love triangle with one dead side.

In the end, I had to call myself a faggot, which really annoyed me, because 1. I don't think that word should ever be used by anyone, let alone me, and 2. As it happens, I am not gay, and furthermore, 3. Chuck Parson made it out like calling yourself a faggot was the ultimate humiliation, even though there's nothing at all embarrassing about being gay.

Here's to all the places we went. And all the places we'll go. And here's to me, whispering again and again and again and again: iloveyou

Maybe we're grass—our roots so interdependent that no one is dead as long as someone is still alive.