Me: "If you want me to be a teenager, don't send me to Support Group. Buy me a fake ID so I can go to clubs, drink vodka, and take pot." Mom: "You don't take pot, for starters." Me: "See, that's the kind of thing I'd know if you got me a fake ID.
John GreenWas it animal pee or human pee? Someone asked. How would I know? What, am I an expert in the study of pee?
John GreenHe responded a few minutes later. Okay. I wrote back. Okay. He responded: Oh, my God, stop flirting with me!
John GreenTiny, the next time that you try to set me up with a girl with a secret boyfriend can you at least INFORM me that she has a secret boyfriend? Also, if you don't call me back within five minutes, I'm going to assume you found a way back to Evanston. Furthermore, you are an asshat. That is all.
John Green