Y'all smoke to enjoy it. I smoke to die.

Uh-uh, dude. I tried it your way with the dating and the girls and the kissing and the drama, and man, I didn't like it. Plus, my best friend is a walking cautionary tale of what happens to you when romantic relationships don't involve marriage. Like you always say, kafir, everything ends in breakup, divorce, or death. I want to narrow my misery options to divorce or death - that's all.

The only thing worse than having a party that no one attends is having a party attended only by two vastly, deeply uninteresting people.

You say into my cracks and I saw into yours.

She has great breasts," the Colonel said without looking up from the whale. "DO NOT OBJECTIFY WOMEN'S BODIES!" Alaska shouted. Now he looked up. "Sorry. Perky breasts." "That's not any better!

Oh, I wouldn't mind, Hazel Grace. It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you.

And yes, again, that was it exactly. A retyper and not a writer. A prodigy and not a genius.