You know the old saying: "History is written by the winners. And also, the team of hand-picked historians that the winner keeps hidden away in an underground bunker".

Well, I always had this desire to celebrate and somehow be a part of things that I thought were really great.

Generally speaking, I think it is fair to say that I am a friend to the creatures of the Earth when I am not busy eating them or wearing them.

My fame is due to broadcast television.

Generally speaking, I, like anyone else who does anything publicly, like it when people like what I do, and would like to hear as much.

I never stopped feeling abject terror until I got on television and went on a national ad campaign and realized, "I will be able to feed my children. I have somehow averted the destiny that awaited me, which is endless, crippling debt forever."

I am not beautiful, so I don't know why I'm making myself ugly. But the mustache stays.