I really wouldn't censor myself. But because it was on such a slower scale, I would throw things out, and I indulged the personal stuff as little flashes of truth. Little in-jokes for anyone who was paying particular attention.

Truth may be stranger than fiction, goes the old saw, but it is never as strange as lies.

Everyone feels like they would love to be a really cool bartender in a really cool bar, but you're still surrounded by people who want to destroy themselves with alcohol. When you look at it that way, it's not that much fun.

Any time you try to create an Internet meme, automatic fail. That's like the worst thing you can do.

People like what they like. They're gonna do what they're gonna do.

Hosting a TV show is a full-time job in which success is defined by it never ending.

My candidacy is a compelling argument for my candidacy. I want to be President.