Everything we make in life, eventually, is sold for a dollar or a penny or given away.

A stopped clock is correct twice a day, but a sundial can be used to stab someone, even at nighttime.

I don't really collect anything. I mean, if I see a piece of Moxie soda memorabilia, I'll probably buy it. I'm a sucker for regional soda brands and forgotten histories and that sort of thing.

Only the nerds will save the earth.

It was inevitable that in the proliferation of media and media channels and the natural debasing of authority that comes when you make an expert of someone who knows a few things and can be on television and you put the word "expert" underneath them, that is to say me, then eventually the very concept of expertise itself would become meaningless.

I have learned that newborn infants roll their eyes around and move their heads and their arms in short jerky spasms. And if you homeschool them, they will stay this way forever.

As a live stand-up comedy performer, I have the benefit of choosing real entrance music.