No power on earth, however, can abolish the merciless class distinction between those who are physically desirable and the lonely, pallid, spotted, silent, unfancied majority.

No brilliance is needed in the law. Nothing but common sense, and relatively clean finger nails.

To escape jury duty in England, wear a bowler hat and carry a copy of the Daily telegraph.

We may not be the creme de la creme, but we are the creme de la scum.

The main aim of education should be to send children out into the world with a reasonably sized anthology in their heads so that, while seated on the lavatory, waiting in doctors' surgeries, on stationary trains or watching interviews with politicians, they may have something interesting to think about.

I'd been told of all the things you're meant to feel when your father dies. Sudden freedom, growing up, the end of dependence, the step into the sunlight when no one is taller than you and you're in no one's shadow. I know what I felt. Lonely.

Farce is tragedy played at a thousand revolutions per minute.