I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth foregoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward.

I found criminal clients easy and matrimonial clients hard. Matrimonial clients hate each other so much and use their children to hurt each other in beastly ways. Murderers have usually killed the one person in the world that was bugging them and they're usually quite peaceful and agreeable.

I knew nothing about farce until I read Puce a l'Oreille, and had no idea what a deadly serious business it is.

I suppose true sexual equality will come when a general called Anthea is found having an unwise lunch with a young, unreliable model from Spain.

There is always time for failure

The only rule I have found to have any validity in writing is not to bore yourself.

We don't know much about the human conscience, except that it is soluble in alcohol.