We don't know much about the human conscience, except that it is soluble in alcohol.

Hell must be a place where you are only allowed to read what you agree with.

It is desperately important to remember when enough is enough, when you've finished the scene.

The worst fault of the working classes is telling their children they're not going to succeed, saying: There is life, but it's not for you.

I'd been told of all the things you're meant to feel when your father dies. Sudden freedom, growing up, the end of dependence, the step into the sunlight when no one is taller than you and you're in no one's shadow. I know what I felt. Lonely.

Dying is a matter of slapstick and pratfalls. The ageing process is not gradual or gentle. It rushes up, pushes you over and runs off laughing. No one should grow old who isn't ready to appear ridiculous.

Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence. Without parole.