Socially, I never belonged to any class, rich or poor. To the rich I was poor, and to the poor I was poor pretending to be like the rich.

So who's perfect? ... Washington had false teeth. Franklin was nearsighted. Mussolini had syphilis. Unpleasant things have been said about Walt Whitman and Oscar Wilde. Tchaikovsky had his problems, too. And Lincoln was constipated.

In every marriage the wife has to keep her mouth shut about at least one small thing her husband does that disgusts her.

The trouble is people leave too much to luck. They get married and then trust to luck. They should be sure in the first place.

Well, men go to musicals. Women are the ones that buy the tickets for plays.

Book reviewers are little old ladies of both sexes.

Never play cards with a man named Doc, and never eat at a place called Mom's.