Catholics have more extreme sex lives because they're taught that pleasure is bad for you. Who thinks it's normal to kneel down to a naked man who's nailed to a cross? It's like a bad leather bar.

I can't tell the difference between the best and the worst 'cause I realize not everybody wants to have sex in the middle of a demolition derby race in the car.

I always wanted to be a juvenile delinquent but my parents wouldn't let me.

People who want to act rich when they're upper-middle class. They try too hard.

Censorship has been my best press agent my whole life.

William Castle and Alfred Hitchcock were the first director-personalities. Before then, nobody in America knew what a director was.

I would describe myself as a writer that hopes to take you into my world and help you feel a little safer.