Catholics have more extreme sex lives because they're taught that pleasure is bad for you. Who thinks it's normal to kneel down to a naked man who's nailed to a cross? It's like a bad leather bar.

You have to remember that it is impossible to commit a crime while reading a book.

My films can be considered political action against the tyranny of good taste.

God knows if you could start a new sex act that's more important than making a good movie.

I've signed peoples' parole cards at book signings and it's very touching.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because I don't have to do anything except bring wine and go to my sister's all day and go to the movies with the family. So, actually, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, but there's not much comedy material on Thanksgiving. Melatonin really isn't that funny.

Humor is how you change people's opinions, and if you can make someone laugh, they'll listen, even if they hate you.