How come there's no terrorism with humor, which is a great way to humiliate your enemy? It's a great time for that.

As far as socially redeeming value, I hope I don't have any.

Fifty years seems like a good anniversary. Even after I'm dead, how much better could I get than this? I mean, it's great, I'm not dead, so I get to see it.

I respect everything I make fun of.

If you ever go home with somebody and they don't have books in their house, don't sleep with them. I think that's very important.

I haven't changed - the public has. I'm an insider now, which is hilarious.

A psychiatrist once told me early in treatment, "Stop trying to make me like you," and what a sobering and welcome smack in the face that statement was. Yet somehow, every day of my life is still a campaign for popularity, or better yet, a crowded funeral.