The Easter Bunny is a major reason for heroin addiction in America.

No comedy should be longer than 90 minutes. There's no such thing as a good long joke.

I wish something on T.V. would trouble me. Then maybe I would watch it.

People are going to say, "I was a lesbian back in the 90s" just like people say, "I was a hippie in the 60s". I see them struggling. Rich girls struggling with their heterosexuality.

Wealth is walking into any bookshop and buying any book you want without looking at the price tag.

I couch-surfed for years. But I always wanted to live in Baltimore; I still do. If I had to choose, it would always be Baltimore.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because I don't have to do anything except bring wine and go to my sister's all day and go to the movies with the family. So, actually, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, but there's not much comedy material on Thanksgiving. Melatonin really isn't that funny.