Some call me director, producer, filmmaker. I prefer to call myself pube-king.

I always say you need something weird on your face and some good shoes and nobody looks in the middle.

William Castle and Alfred Hitchcock were the first director-personalities. Before then, nobody in America knew what a director was.

If your kid comes out of the bedroom and says he just shut down the government, it seems to me he should at least have an outfit for that.

The selfie has become a new autograph, but it takes twice as long to do as a real autograph. I do it because I'm like, "What am I going to do, these people bought me my house." Why am I not going to take a picture with them except I always say, "You have to hold it up! Shoot down or it's really ugly if you shoot up!" So not only does it take longer, you have to teach them camera angles.

I have no interest in cars. I have a plain, used Buick. I could run over 10 people, and you wouldn't be able to describe my car.

I have no interest in ever making a movie I didn't write. If they were going to take my house away, then I guess I might have to. But my agent knows not to even bother sending me the scripts.