I mean, what is prison, really, except a good bar without the liquor?

Technique is nothing more than failed style.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because I don't have to do anything except bring wine and go to my sister's all day and go to the movies with the family. So, actually, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, but there's not much comedy material on Thanksgiving. Melatonin really isn't that funny.

I make independent movies. I don't know how to do anything else. I don't know any other job that I could really get.

Everything makes you who you are, so I was lucky that I had a good family that was horrified by what I wanted to do but was also supportive of it, right to the very end.

I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.

And I seek people who break rules with happiness — and not bringing pain to themselves.