I don't care about wealth. What seems to be upsetting is institutionalizing the advantages that wealth gives you.

We hear every damn day about how fragile our country is - on the brink of catastrophe - torn by polarizing hate, and how it's a shame that we can't work together to get things done, but the truth is we do. We work together to get things done every damn day!

The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1.

You know if I had nickel for every time Bush has mentioned 9/11, I could raise enough reward money to go after Bin Laden.

Isn't that what you really want in a jean? The ability to kick people in the face in them? I don't wanna have to go home and change into shorts.

Reform Jews are the children of Conservative Jews, or as they are sometimes known, Christians with curlier hair.

My buddy Tim Bass he's a-workin' pumpin gas, and he makes two fifty for an hour. He's got rhythm in his hands as he's tappin' on the cans, sings rock and roll in the shower.