A joke is a joke. There's an expression - I don't know if you have it - that's 'adding insult to injury.'

Please explain to me why John Kerry sounds more dickish telling the truth than Bush sounds when he's lying. How is that possible?

I never thought I'd say this, but I miss voter fraud.

All I'm saying is [John McCain] cannot look a soldier in the eye and say "Questioning the president is less supportive to you than extending your tour three months." You should be coming home to your family.

I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else.

Everybody wrings their hands about Fox News. You know, "fair and balanced? Why, that's snide!" Yeah, okay, maybe they're not fair and balanced, but CNN used to have the slogan "You Can Depend on CNN". Guess what? I watch it, no you can't. So what's the difference?

Ah, the first rule of public speaking -- always start with a joke.