A joke is a joke. There's an expression - I don't know if you have it - that's 'adding insult to injury.'

I'll tell you this: Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality. And the protections that we have, for religion -we protect religion- and talk about a lifestyle choice! That is absolutely a choice. Gay people don't choose to be gay. At what age did you choose not to be gay?

Here in the U.S., we've made democracy into a science. A cold, impersonal science.

Everybody wrings their hands about Fox News. You know, "fair and balanced? Why, that's snide!" Yeah, okay, maybe they're not fair and balanced, but CNN used to have the slogan "You Can Depend on CNN". Guess what? I watch it, no you can't. So what's the difference?

But our perfect democracy, which neither needs nor particularly wants voters, is a rarity. It is important to remember there still exist many other forms of government in the world today, and that dozens of foreign governments still long for a democracy such as ours to be imposed on them.

Being funny in life is a lot more like judo. It's using the energy.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.