Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own.

Nothing is so great an example of bad manners as flattery. If you flatter all the company, you please none; If you flatter only one or two, you offend the rest.

The worthiest people are the most injured by slander, as is the best fruit which the birds have been pecking at.

Your notions of friendship are new to me; I believe every man is born with his quantum, and he cannot give to one without robbing another. I very well know to whom I would give the first place in my friendship, but they are not in the way, I am condemned to another scene, and therefore I distribute it in pennyworths to those about me, and who displease me least, and should do the same to my fellow prisoners if I were condemned to a jail.

Come, agree, the law's costly.

There were many times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.

Strange an astrologer should die, without one wonder in the sky.