Chicks dig a dude who’s sporting the latest eggplant turtleneck styles.

Mr. Watras asked me whether I was practicing, and I told him I was practicing my tissue basketball skills.

Not, like, that, boychik, you sound like a herd of elephants charging through a music store.

Or maybe...their biggest fear is that they will get close to you again, and you'll go and drop dead.

But nobody ever tells you in advance when you should concentrate on the good times-that's why you're supposed to do it every day.

Note to self: It's hard to attain a state of no-mind when you're incredibly pumped up on tea and sugar and have to urinate every three and a half minutes.

You look like a handsome young man…although you might want to zip your fly. Mom! What? Should I have not told you and left it for everyone else to notice at the dance?