You look like a handsome young man…although you might want to zip your fly. Mom! What? Should I have not told you and left it for everyone else to notice at the dance?

Chicks dig a dude who’s sporting the latest eggplant turtleneck styles.

(Yes teenage boys who are fine always cry on their mothers’ shoulders until they leave a snot trail.)

It was a cheesy cheeseball, covered with Cheez Whiz and served on a bed of Cheez-Its. With a side of queso.

There are really no guidelines whatsoever, because this is the kind of thing that only happens to ME.

It was like seeing Bill Gates at age thirteen, times two. And half of him was wearing a cheerleader uniform. Yes, I know that’s a weird image.

But nobody ever tells you in advance when you should concentrate on the good times-that's why you're supposed to do it every day.