You look like a handsome young man…although you might want to zip your fly. Mom! What? Should I have not told you and left it for everyone else to notice at the dance?

It's amazing--my parents call everything a discussion. If I were standing across the street, firing a bazooka at my mother, while my father was launching mortar back at me, and Jeffery was charging down the driveway with a grenade in his teeth, my parents would say we should stop having this public "discussion".

Mr. Watras asked me whether I was practicing, and I told him I was practicing my tissue basketball skills.

You look like a handsome young man…although you might want to zip your fly. Mom! What? Should I have not told you and left it for everyone else to notice at the dance?

If you promise you will get better instead of dying, I promise I will, too.

Not, like, that, boychik, you sound like a herd of elephants charging through a music store.

Chicks dig a dude who’s sporting the latest eggplant turtleneck styles.