I get recognized just often enough to keep my ego bouncing along, but not so much that I can't go places.

Unfortunately for Hillary Clinton she's a competent politician, which means she seldom says anything in less than three paragraphs. So people like the guy who just goes, "Nuh-uh, no puppet, no puppet, you're the puppet."

I always enjoy conversation more if there is some substance to it - which is a just incredibly hilarious thing for me to say because for many, many years I was the guy whose only contribution to any conversation was, 'There was a funny 'Simpson's' joke about that.'

If nothing we do matters... , then all that matters is what we do

The thing with the comics is that you have license to go down every alley your brain can think of.

I've got a theory, it could be bunnies... I've got a theor- Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes They've got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses. And what's with all the carrots-? What do they need such good eyesight for anyway? Bunnies, bunnies it must be bunnies! ...or maybe midgets.

I am not made of steel. Rage. I...am made... of RAGE!!!!