many of us are done with adolescence before we are done with adolescent love.

Not listening is probably the commonest unkindness of married life, and one that creates - more devastatingly than an eternity of forgotten birthdays and misguided Christmas gifts - an atmosphere of not loving and not caring.

Our father presents an optional set of rhythms and responses for us to connect to. As a second home base, he makes it safer to roam. With him as an ally--a love--it is safer, too, to show that we're mad when we're mad at our mother. We can hate and not be abandoned, hate and still love.

Living with golden fantasies of an endlessly nurtured infancy can be a neurotic refusal to grow up.

No-fault guilt: This is when, instead of trying to figure out who's to blame, everyone pays.

Losing is the price we pay for living. It is also the source of much of our growth and gain.

Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces.