When you have lived the life I've lived, when you've loved and suffered, and been madly happy and desperately sad -- well, that's when you realize you'll never be able to set it all down. Maybe you'd rather die first.

[On daughter Liza Minnelli] I think she decided to go into show business when she was an embryo, she kicked so much.

Velveeta: you can eat it - or wax your car with it!

When I die I have visions of fags singing 'Over the Rainbow' and the flag at Fire Island being flown at half mast.

I truly have a great love for an audience, and I used to want to prove it to them by giving them blood.

If I'm such a legend, then why am I so lonely? If I'm such a legend, then why do I sit at home for hours staring at the damned telephone, hoping it's out of order, even calling the operator asking her if she's sure it's not out of order?

Wouldn`t it be wonderful if we could all be a little more gentle with each other, and a little more loving, have a little more empathy, and maybe we'd like each other a little bit more.