The Feminist Me says that a woman's right to her own body should be inviolate at all times, free from fear of peeping paps.

Tears are sometimes an inappropriate response to death. When a life has been lived completely honestly, completely successfully, or just completely, the correct response to death's perfect punctuation mark is a smile.

Only those who haven't got the wit to speak for themselves would ever want their clothes to do it for them.

I almost choke on my popcorn when I hear film stars, who walk on red carpets as much as the rest of us do on zebra crossings, criticising youngsters who crave fame.

Transsexualism is, basically, just another, more drastic twist on the male menopause.

What sort of sap doesn't know by now that picture-perfect beauty is all done with smoke and mirrors anyway?

When I started at the Guardian, though, I couldnt think of anything we saw eye to eye on, except feminism, and even this would soon be arguable as Guardian writers queued up to drool over Eminem.