People - and I include myself - get fat because they choose pleasure over self-denial.

I don't really care what people tell children - when you believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, one more fib won't hurt. But I am infuriated by the growing notion, posited in some touchy-feely quarters, that all women are, or can be, beautiful.

To believe that one, or even three, mates can supply all the things one needs from one's friends is as stupid as believing married couples must do everything together.

I am firmly of the opinion that women who make a lot of effort to hang onto their looks in middle age (unless they are beauties, entertainers or prostitutes) are rather sad, as one should surely have something more substantial to recommend one by this time, such as kindness or cleverness.

Lots of women love to accuse men of being immature when the fellow in question displays a reluctance to "commit"...

Whenever I am sent a new book on the lively arts, the first thing I do is look for myself in the index.

As with most liberal sexual ideas, what makes the world a better place for men invariably makes it a duller and more dangerous place for women.