Being a monarchist - saying that one small group is born more worthy of respect than another - is just as warped and strange as being a racist.

Whenever I am sent a new book on the lively arts, the first thing I do is look for myself in the index.

One Christmas build-up tradition, however, has totally bypassed me - that of going up to town and doing a show.

Sex, on the whole, was meant to be short, nasty and brutish. If what you want is cuddling, you should buy a puppy.

It seems that one moment I was this little kid only caring about animals and flowers and stuff, and then the next minute I was this raging stew of hormones. I don't know if you've ever been a raging stew of anything, but I wouldn't particularly recommend it.

To believe that one, or even three, mates can supply all the things one needs from one's friends is as stupid as believing married couples must do everything together.

I feel I'm trying to get this really crap car going, and it just keeps stalling on me. And then other times I feel like my life's a train thundering toward me, and I'm in a car stuck on the crossroads and can't get out. Isn't it great being young!