The most boring thing in the world? Silence.

We should all believe in something, and I believe it's time for another shot of tequila.

Sexy, to me, is the way you carry what you have. I have a big nose, but I rock it.

I'm not a comedian so I'll probably get crucified for saying this, but I think with a lot of comedy the impetus behind it is: I've been rejected so many times and I'm bitter and now I'm going to talk about it.

I believe mustard to be one of the most amazing condiments.

I believe in things I can count on, like beer and ESPN and my grandmother's pecan pie.

It's not a bad Thing to fall in Love.