When I take up my pen, nothing can happen to me. Fate, remember that.

The extraordinary ability of a woman to forget is not the same as the talent of a lady not to be able to remember.

A father's pride, laid on thick, has always made me wish that the fellow had at least experienced some pain during procreation.

To be perfect, one lacks only a defect.

One cannot dictate an aphorism to a typist. It would take too long.

Intercourse with a woman is sometimes a satisfactory substitute for masturbation. But it takes a lot of imagination to make it work.

Anesthesia: wounds without pain. Neurasthenia: pain without wounds.