Battles that involve oatmeal are just never going to end up being historic, you know?" Jake went on. "Gettysburg? No major oatmeal involvement. The Battle of Midway? Neither side used oatmeal. Desert Storm? No oatmeal.

Earth is the crossroads of every possible alien. We're the McDonald's next to the highway of the galaxy.

About chocolate: "This is what laughing tastes like.

Ninety percent of the trouble in this world comes from guys who think they have something to prove.

Everyone deserves a shot....and some deserve to be shot.

Especially when you're faced with hard times, you need to remember that life is either tragedy or comedy. For me, that's what the magic is. Life has remarkable, surprising moments that get you through the hard times.

It's OAT-freaking-MEAL!