You can not have comedy unless people are behaving badly. You can't have it.

Like every human we have to categorize ourselves, so you kind of start to build a mythos 'cause I had no information about [ biological mother]. So you have to build a mythos around yourself. And so my mythos included me not being wanted or me being a wretched person, which is just great fertilizer for comedy.

I'm adopted, so I didn't know my father, but apparently he was pretty tall.

I have this little thing that people call Keegan-ese, where I don't speak English words at all. I just say stuff like, "You gotta toish the doish and you gotta maloish the hoish."

[The rumor that Leonardo DiCaprio on set was raped by a bear] was as silly as Lady Gaga bumping him or moving his arm out of the way [at the Golden Globes]. People straight be bored.

We've caught people watching us, and I'll look at them and I'll go, "It's just us. It's just our thing. It's just what we do."

For me, as a child, I certainly thought that there were more black people in the world than white people.