Most children would rather preserve the fantasy of a loving connection with their fathers and mothers, at all costs, even if it costs them their self-esteem. When you're three or seven years old, it's less frightening to think of yourself as an unlovable, disappointing screwup than to recognize the fact that you're living with a monster.

...Some people hurt so much they can't take what they need, even when someone wants to give it to them. (106)

God is not attracted to mountaintops or church steeples. God is drawn to suffering, and the dark places it surfaces, which is why sharing pain freely feels very much like love, and may be the same thing. (207)

Most children would rather preserve the fantasy of a loving connection with their fathers and mothers, at all costs, even if it costs them their self-esteem. When you're three or seven years old, it's less frightening to think of yourself as an unlovable, disappointing screwup than to recognize the fact that you're living with a monster.

The irrational thoughts were the ones with the power to burn holes in your gut.

I figured anybody who talked about church as much as she did was using it a little like cocaine anyhow.

When people can do something simple to avoid conflict--say, hit a button or unlock a latch--they'll generally do it.