It's said the FA chairman (Keith Wiseman) would travel 200 miles to open a biscuit tin. Why?

Let us leave the EEC, abolish human rights laws, take TV sets, pool tables and phones out of prisons, bring back corporal and capital punishment, slash benefits and put single mothers into hostels instead of giving them council flats. Finally, if we chucked out all the illegal immigrants and asylum seekers there would be enough jobs for everyone.

We had probably our best ever Player of the Year Dance last week. You elected Dennis Wise as Player of the Year. Dennis accepted his award mimicking Vialli, whereupon Zola shouted 'Speak English', Dennis switched to his normal Cockney voice only for Zola to shout 'You're still not speaking English'.

It's said the FA chairman (Keith Wiseman) would travel 200 miles to open a biscuit tin. Why?

I never make forecasts but whoever wins that game will win the final.

Every club has three types: fans, parasites and people who work their bollocks off, even ladies.

Unfortunately much of it is frittered away on fast cars, designer clothes and an attitude to pleasure reminiscent of the 18-30 holiday packages.