Hump it, bump it, whack it! It might be a recipe for a good sex life but it won't win the World Cup.

Every club has three types: fans, parasites and people who work their bollocks off, even ladies.

Hump it, bump it, whack it! It might be a recipe for a good sex life but it won't win the World Cup.

It's said the FA chairman (Keith Wiseman) would travel 200 miles to open a biscuit tin. Why?

I shall not rest until Leeds United are kicked out of the football league. Their fans are the scum of the earth, absolute animals and a disgrace. I will do everything in my power to make sure this happens.

Experience shows that after a disaster it is particularly difficult with the Americans, who appear to be quite cowardly despite their Rambo films.

Unfortunately much of it is frittered away on fast cars, designer clothes and an attitude to pleasure reminiscent of the 18-30 holiday packages.