You think Ivy's a planner? She has nothing on a motivated elf with too much money.

I said school starts tomorrow. I didn’t say I was going to be there.

They weren’t idiots, but I attracted trouble that just begged me to beat it into submission.

I have a name,” I grumped, my stomach pinching me harder. “Yes, but it has no pizzazz. Ra-a-a-a-chel. Rach-e-e-e-eel,” he said, trying it out in different ways. “No one will tremble in terror at that. Oh my God!” he said in a high falsetto. “It’s Rachel! Run! Hide!

People ask me what I do in my spare time, and I look at them blankly, truly believing that I don't even have spare time, and if I did, I'd probably use it for something mundane, like chipping away at the mound of laundry rising to dangerous proportions in the back room.

She’s not much of a team player, more of a team yeller.

Breaking rules isn't bad when what you're doing is more important than the rule itself