Don't quit your day jobs, boys, but always keep your sense of humor.

You see the kind of approach, because he [Doanld Trump] is a businessman. He's like, I'm going to pick up the phone, I'm gonna call that CEO and we're going to talk about this directly, instead of getting mired in a lot of the way down, you know, bureaucracy and red tape and having 25 assistants or deputies talk to somebody instead of going directly to the root of the problem.

I hate Mother's Day. If anything, it's an affront to all women who think full-time moms have never worked a day in their lives. Which reminds me of a good joke: What do you call an angry feminist on Mother's Day? You don't.

Don't quit your day jobs, boys, but always keep your sense of humor.

America is facing some major threats. Cyber warfare, Islamic terror and Russia, does it sound terrible? It sounds like the end of the world.

Once you're a mom, all of your personal desires come secondary as the survival of the child becomes your life's priority, which leads you to worry each day and every night the little one turn out right.

Obviously I have concerns, right, about national security in terms of Russia, and China, and North Korea, and obviously, the problems we have in the Middle East.