Only a world without love strikes me as instantly and decisively more terrible than one without music.

I was never an Angry Young Man. I am angry only when I hit my thumb with a hammer.

If you can't annoy somebody, there is little point in writing.

The first, indeed the only, requirement of a diet is that it should lose you weight without reducing your alcoholic intake by the smallest degree.

Feeling a tremendous rakehell, and not liking myself much for it, and feeling rather a good chap for not liking myself much for it, and not liking myself at all for feeling rather a good chap.

Being American is, I think, a very difficult thing in art, because all the elements are European.

The rewards for being sane may not be very many, but knowing what's funny is one of them.