I'll pour you the first one and after that, if you don't have one, it's your own f****** fault. You know where it is.

Doing what you wanted to do was the only training, and the only preliminary, needed for doing more of what you wanted to do.

Hangover cure: Rigorous sex, hydration, hot bath, then "go up for half an hour in an open aeroplane. (needless to say, with a non-hungover person at the controls)."

If you can't annoy somebody, there is little point in writing.

Now and then I become conscious of having the reputation of being one of the great drinkers, if not one of the great drunks, of our time.

The rewards for being sane may not be very many, but knowing what's funny is one of them.

Death has this much to be said for it: You don't have to get out of bed for it. Wherever you happen to be They bring it to you—free.