If you can't annoy somebody, there is little point in writing.

The first, indeed the only, requirement of a diet is that it should lose you weight without reducing your alcoholic intake by the smallest degree.

One of the great benefits of organised religion is that you can be forgiven your sins, which must be a wonderful thing. I mean, I carry my sins around with me, there's nobody there to forgive them.

I sometimes feel that more lousy dishes are presented under the banner of pate than any other.

Only a world without love strikes me as instantly and decisively more terrible than one without music.

We should be wrong to demand that a critic must stay on the point all the time; it is enough if he remains in orbit around it.

I am always incorrigibly interested in the behaviour of the 'human animal', and look forward to perusing divers effusions of your lively pen.