If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.

Jokes have to be quite naked to be understood. They have to be quite simple.

Anyone unable to understand how useful religion can be founded on lies will not understand this book either.

We went to the New York World's Fair, saw what the past had been like, according to the Ford Motor Car Company and Walt Disney, saw what the future would be like, according to General Motors. And I asked myself about the present: how wide it was, how deep it was, how much was mine to keep.

kar.a.bek.i.an (n.); (from Rabo Karabekian, U.S. 20th Cent. painter). Fiasco in which a person causes total destruction of own work and reputation through stupidity, carelessness or both.

It's perfectly ordinary to be a socialist. It's perfectly normal to be in favor of fire departments.

Indianapolis, Indiana is the first place in the United States of America where a white man was hanged for the murder of an Indian. The kind of people who'll hang a white man for murdering an Indian--that's the kind of people for me.