It's perfectly ordinary to be a socialist. It's perfectly normal to be in favor of fire departments.

Do you think Arabs are dumb? They gave us our numbers. Try doing long division with Roman numerals.

Trout, incidentally, had written a book about a money tree. It had twenty-dollar bills for leaves. Its flowers were government bonds. Its fruit was diamonds. It attracted human beings who killed each other around the roots and made very good fertilizer.

If you would be unloved and forgotten, be reasonable.

I had made her so unhappy that she had developed a sense of humor. [-Rabo Karabekian]

I have told my sons that they are not under any circumstances to take part in massacres, and that the news of massacres of enemies is not to fill them with satisfaction or glee. I have also told them not to work for companies which make massacre machinery, and to express contempt for people who think we need machinery like that.

I was raised by a black maid by the name of Ida Young and I probably talked to her more than anybody, so whatever is nutty about me was nutty about her, too, I think because I saw a lot more of her than I did of my parents.