The government satirizes itself. All we can wish is that there will be a large number of Americans who will realize how dumb this all is, and how greedy and how vicious. Such an audience is dwindling all the time because of TV.

The paintings by dead men who were poor most of their lives are the most valuable pieces in my collection. And if an artist wants to really jack up the prices of his creations, may I suggest this: suicide.

God Almighty Himself must have been hilarious when human beings so mingled iron and water and fire as to make a railroad train!

Earthlings went on being friendly, when they should have been thinking instead.

Live while you live, when you're dead you're dead.

What memories for mud to have.

I never knew a writer's wife who wasn't beautiful.