Science never cheered up anyone. The truth about the human situation is just too awful.

Somebody gets into trouble, then gets out of it again. People love that story. They never get tired of it.

Don't you think that's the main reason people find [writing] so difficult? If they can write complete sentences and can use a dictionary, isn't that the only reason they find writing hard: they don't know or care about anything?

Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance.

Freud said he didn't know what women wanted. I know what women want. They want a whole lot of people to talk to.

The Contessa was surely way ahead of her time, too, in believing that men were not only usless and idiotic, but downright dangerous. That idea wouldn't catch on big in her native country until the last three years of the Vietnam War.

How embarrassing it is to be human.