I think you guys are going to have to come up with a lot of wonderful new lies, or people just aren't going to want to go on living.

Our government's got a war on drugs. That's certainly better than no drugs at all.

I'm not a drug salesman. I'm a writer.

Jokes can be noble. Laughs are exactly as honorable as tears. Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion, to the futility of thinking and striving anymore. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward - and since I can start thinking and striving again that much sooner.

He was seemingly born not only with a gift for language, but with a particularly nasty clock which makes him go crazy every three years or so.

It shook up Trout to realize that even he could bring evil into the world — in the form of bad ideas.

This is what I find encouraging about the writing trades: ... They allow lunatics to seem saner than sane.